To Each Her Own

To each her own,

No less no more

You decide,

With all your life

Family or career

Pillar or support

Flame or the wick

Name or the surname

don't forget

It is never the same

Years later

You would regret

Of what you choose

And what you set loose

Fact remains the very same

Chasing both

Was never the game

Womanhood

Is like the test of time

it forces to pick out

Between heart and mind

You decide

With all your life

No less no more
no penalty no score

Lets leave it like...

To each her own. 

PS: dedicated to all Indian women....

The F Obsession.

The F thing here does not stand for the four letter word instead it stands for something pretentious but of high repute zing.

Louis Vuitton, Jimmy Choo, Armani, Audi, imported stuff (does not matter even a soap), foreign things, relatives from Dubai,,US Job, euro trip, honeymoon at Bora Bora, an adventure trip to New Zealand and many more. I feel hysterical if this is what defines us. Well either we are very insecure or badly intimidated by our surroundings / situations that we supplement our persona with the above cited histrionic feats.  

I don’t know much about you but for me it is a creepy reality. Most occasions I cover my beautiful heart and humble character with these exhibits and lies. In doing so I get the feeling that I would create an impression which would sway the person next to me towards liking me. The surprising part is that it does make the person next to me like me.  Even when sometimes these fancy things are true, it is never real for me. I wish I could show the real me more often. 

Being related to something foreign raises eye brows equivalent to if you are an IITian or an IAS officer.  (The latter two is worthy of comparison because it is a selection of 1 over 1000 and lacs.) No matter if it’s your third cousin studying in some American university or an aunt who is your mother’s cousin’s sister in law residing in Dubai, there is huge pride in recognizing them as relatives. Similarly it is of immense pride to announce, about things we own like the dress worn by me is not available in India, I got it from Paris or Milan. The value also increases when we reply to people who slighted our attire or footwear as poor choice. But a poor choice is a poor choice whether local or imported with duties. At least defend it in a better way, how come being foreign makes it more agreeable. Well I guess there is no point in digging further. Another notable obsession is inflections. Foreign accent always work over desi one. Finding sense in that is again useless. If you don’t believe me, you have never given job interviews or been part of group discussion or even debated in school.

Huh! After the accent proof talking let us drop by to eat. Recently somebody mentioned that,” I eat healthy and so I prefer Italian, or Mexican". I could not hide my laughter and then thought to throw some light on the delusion. Howeve on second thought I did not embarrass the bloating being. Lesson learnt was that sometimes we should do more homework before we brag. You never know, people may know some stuff.

There is however something about it, no matter if it is designer labels underwear or a lip color by Chanel. The visible waist band of Calvin Klein under a low waist denim definitely rocks over a Rupa frontline. And of course CK is a foreign label. Maybe somewhere we have accepted that anything foreign is about being superior and therefore we are constantly racing among ourselves towards the same. If that is the case then maybe we have become a free country but still a slave of their lopsided thought process which they incorporated to rule over us. It is time that we reflect back on our lack of judgement and show maturity. 

I think this F obsession is something to ponder over for all of us and grow up a little. 

WOMANHOOD

She must know how to cook. Cooking in real has to be in her genes. She should know or must learn how to take care of a grown up man like a little kid. The sense of domestic cleanliness should define her persona. As for being sloppy, that should be far away from her eco system. She must cover herself head to toe, even though menfolk can roam around her in half naked. Our society is modern; so she is allowed to work and support her husband and family.  Important thing is she must earn less than her demigod husband. His ego needs to be respected.  He is head of the family. He is the “pati –parmeshwar”. He decides what is best for her and his family. . She must full fill each and every little thing of his folks also, no matter what age group they belong to. She must not speak in family matters, discussions or even matters related to her health and well beings. He and his elders are there to do that honour. In fact she should have no say on things like plan her own family.  Welcome to womanhood lady.

I feel sad and very scared but more than that ashamed to define womanhood in such a way. It feels like a slave than a free individual. Is there any life left for her is my sole disquiet. Social obligation is something that we take by choice through our self-righteousness and not something as a decided destiny. Why is she not a free person? Just because she carries a baby for 9 months in her womb and then feeds the baby for another 4-5 months does not make her a submissive and weaker sex. Her whole life’s mission cannot be defined by this. She is way more than that. It’s a total pity if she accepts the above without a resent. I wonder who is to blame for this backwardness. The past or the present. It is a total deadlock. The culture is openly so lopsided. All superiority, supremacy to one gender and all suppression and apathy on the other,   

She must get rid of all this. She has to take a stand. She needs to redefine womanhood. She must not wait for her daughter to feel the need. She must stand on her own feet. And define life the way she wants it too. The earth, the sun, the sky and the air belongs to her in all ways. She is a free person. If she does not enjoy cooking, or like any unskilled domestic job, she does not have to justify that. She is smart and strong. She must make her own choice and respect her existence. She is fully capable to rock the world in umpteen ways. She must do so. She must enjoy the feeling of being craved, loved, respected and tested. She must enjoy her age, her body and her soul. She must explore her sexuality and gratify her soul. Motherhood is her crown jewel and not a ring in her finger. She is way more than a daughter, wife or a mother. She is more than these roles. She is more than a thousand things that one can measure or treasure.

She can lead, she can rule, she can care as well as cure. She is as special as you are. Womanhood is the beginning of her life and not the end to her time. As a girl she dreamt of flying, ruling and what not. Womanhood embarks her to pursue the same. Ladies, your life is not over but just started. He does not have to dictate. You can make your choice. He is not your god but a friend for life. Worry not for him, he will survive with a joyful and content life with you by his side and not above you. 

loose String

a  loose string

the not yet offered ring
my unbound desire
no clue what next it may bring

brewed  thoughts
pouring rain with no clouds
new ways to whack ahead
umteen dodge keeps me behind

endearing heart, bollixed mind
sometimes forward sometimes rewind
with mixed emotion, I know a thing
dont move ahead with a loose string. 

LOVE is....

So the big lord says
love is patient and it is kind
Its not envy or moment of lies.
it is not proud and it does not dishonor
it is not self-seeking neither it has any anger
 it keeps no record of the wrongs.
 but protects, trusts, hopes & perseveres

Is love so perfect?
Is it an emotion or a pack of notion
I truly deny with all my life
Love in real is full of flaws
its abstract and full on odds
sometimes obsessive sometime possessive
 at times jealous and at times submissive
its never mature or carry a sense
its raw and wild and and full of aberrance
its insecure like a child and
and on fire like in wild
calm but composed
more when opposed
sharing, understanding and togetherness
an open heart with optimism fully ebedded
mightier than the lord
Kinder the any word
and above all warmer than the sunny rays
lies beneath the golden gift of forgiveness

Truth is it is what you know it is and
a hell more than you can ever hope it to be
there is no height, there is no depth
its not a measure, or a compare in fact 
I accept it with all my life
love is what we want it to be....

ABSURD or ABSTRACT

Life is either totally absurd or it is utterly abstract. No matter how hard you attempt to keep it simple and sweet, there is always something convoluted in the offing eagerly waiting to be cracked.  After an earnest effort you sit down and anticipate the fruition of your travail, but life startles with the unsolicited & unforeseen disgusts and disappointments and worst some unanswered questions. In lieu of the unreturned questions starts the series of the most tiring and perpetual process of analysis leading to assumptions & speculations. 

We all get judgmental and then get entangled in the web of these assumptions, presumptions, expectations and disappointments.  The process goes on and on. 

A friend once suggested me to write something which is complicated and not candid. In fact write something that we don’t understand and then we would appreciate it more, I did not get the logic behind his plea on this point but I am still trying to do the honours: 

People get sleepless night, what troubles them inside? I thought again. Is it the insecurity and guilt or the guilt and insecurity for self? 

Many dismiss solitude with strange alibis: Is the reality hard to accept? Or the truth is too silly that one has to digress.

Sometimes people cannot hold back their impatience: Is it because they are so desperate of a person or is it because the child in them cannot masquerade with diplomacy. 

We are always rejected by the one person we feel is perfect match to our life. What makes them reject us, the harsh reality of rightness or the myth of conscience? 

Some people can never move on from a moment of life, is it because nothing exciting is left when one moves on in their life or because move on is an unfeasible allegory. 

Why are contentment & success always comparative and failure & grief always absolute?

Well truth is life is full of limited reality and unlimited dreams.  It is hard to figure out what fits and what not. Every action and decision revolves a circle and then strikes back and disturbs our ecosystem with another set of unsolicited queries.  All I can conclude is that this  process just goes on and on.

RANDOMM..............

I always imagined living here. The name was always so alluring to me. When Calcutta became Kolkata or Madras became Chennai, it had no impact on me. I was most unemotional but when your name changed I could somehow feel a pain. I wonder what it was. Back then I was still awaiting in my ingenuity to have an encounter with you. I was shattered that when I would finally come to you, your identity would be different than the one in my mind's eye. Now when I am finally here, I am so relaxed that you are still the same J. By the way I must tell you that you are more than just good weather. I know you get 10/10 for that but you have a lot more to offer. Good sorry awesome weather is just one of your renders.  Talking of weather I have something personal about you. You are the only stead in my India that best suits to my hair. You just curl then in the most exact and apt way possible.  It is manageable and so much in sync then never anywhere before. Yes you are a city of malls but that’s no problem to me. The best thing about you is that I feel so much of home everywhere in you. No eve teasing, no staring, no passing of comments and seriously no misdemeanor by person of any class. (btw no offense to any other city.) There is an inherent sense of civility and chivalry among the peoples. I am sure there are many more attributes which I am yet to discover with time. It has been just two very busy months. 

How do we make friends? Is it because of some common interest or common goals, same language or similar thoughts? Well I have made many friends in life and lately one of them is my "dost" with whom I have nothing in common.  He is so amazing of a person that everybody around him wants to be his friend. He is hard working, helpful, focused, mature and best of all very cheerful of a person. When you are low he can make you feel better, he would attend to all but has this special quality that makes you realize that he s giving all his time to you. Hello dost I feel so  fortunate to join your friend list.  

Talking of friends , there is also something called the best friend. Ms Himani Saini, no matter you are thousand miles away of fifty steps far, you are always somewhere deep inside my heart. We just turned 6 and I can only say, they were the most amazing 6 six years of my life. Its not a cliché but you are one true companion of life. People come and go or sometimes are thrown out (dude, you know it better :p) but you are for life or even longer.  I seriously adore our change in roles within days and how come our stock on philosophies of life never gets over.  We inspire each other and dismiss the whole world as bunch of fools with a serious lack of judgement and zero sense of sensibility.

Seriously penning himani & shruti down would be like penning something unending so let us just leave it like this.... fully open ended… 

Talking of open ended I have something for the unknown you too. It is like you know me since the beginning of time. It seems you are older than my maturity but younger than my life. We share the big laughter when together and when alone I relish you with little smile. I always thought that nobody but Mr Darcy has those especial charm to enamor me but I got proved wrong.  What more can life offer.  (Wow I love my imagination.)

Thought of the moment and since a while: Yes you take a part of me when u leave me, I feel myself when you are with me, I keep waiting till I hear the hi, it’s a tough moment  when u say goodbye. I may not love you but I care for what I leave with you.

(PS:The blog is dedicated to myself)