Friday, January 6, 2017

Lost Again

When plans do not materialize
And anger hits my clueless mind
I panic I shout I cry in pain
In the battle of me and my fear
Seems like I have lost again

Some contemplation knocks my door
Not one I commend as I’m not sure
Wish I could just go back in past
Correct the err that cost my new start
My fear has bowled over my desire
Knowing thing won’t turn around
I panic I shout and cry in vain

Hard to believe that I have lost again

Thursday, March 10, 2016

Marriage: something on it.

Marriage to me is a bunch of good things. Thanks to both of you for the perfect illustration. When I was growing up I always saw both of you sharing the load equally. You both made sacrifices but never forgot to enjoy life any less. You empowered each other. Best of all you accepted each other with all yours flaws and strengths. On your 31st anniversary I wish you double the  joy and togetherness. You both have inspired me always and I feel blessed to be your love.

I presume marriage is best when we are honest about our partner in our own minds. Sometimes we know what makes our partner comfortable and what makes them uncomfortable but we still bring that thing that annoys them most up on the table. Probably we have to prove a point that “I am right and you are wrong”. I guess that’s where we go wrong and ruin it. We should not really compete or compare our life, each one of us is unique and our story is matchless too. Comparing it definitely lead towards a lonely path full of anger and a stream of sadness.

Marriage never goose pimpled me. I just had the strong feeling that a good guy is down there waiting for me. Luck favored and we met and soon decided to get hitched. It has been a year or so and we still feel are we really married as life seems no different than before. What works for us is difficult to express in a few words. One of our strong point is that we do not try to control each other for anything. I guess that’s the reason we like each other so much. I never wanted to have a husband who after a couple of drinks expresses his issues with wife or who is somewhere happy when the wife is away. I always wanted to be the wife whom he misses badly and with whom he wants to live every day. Being such a wife is very easy. I think all we need is to accept the person he really is and vice versa. The moment I value his likes over and above my dislikes life becomes joyful and beautiful. And truth is that’s what I ultimately want. Thanks to you, like my pa, you share all load equally and never stereotype things for me. You push me to succeed and become big in life. You value my life and likes over and above the expectations of others.


To sum up, marriage to me is all about keeping love alive. When it is possible after 31 years of matrimony, I believe it is just our approach and nothing else. I want to live with you forever because I deeply enjoy and celebrate each day of our life.  I think its all about loving each no matter life is in smooth flow or rough. Everything passes but what we remember is our togetherness only.

Monday, September 7, 2015

To Each Her Own

To each her own,
No less no more
You decide,
With all your life

Family or career
Pillar or support
Flame or the wick
Name or the surname
don't forget
It is never the same

Years later
You would regret
Of what you choose
And what you set loose
Fact remains the very same
Chasing both
Was never the game

Womanhood
Is like the test of time
it forces to pick out
Between heart and mind

You decide
With all your life
No less no more
no penalty no score

Lets leave it like...
To each her own. 


PS: dedicated to all Indian women....

Wednesday, September 2, 2015

The F Obsession.

The F thing here does not stand for the four letter word instead it stands for something pretentious but of high repute zing.

Louis Vuitton, Jimmy Choo, Armani, Audi, imported stuff (does not matter even a soap), foreign things, relatives from Dubai,,US Job, euro trip, honeymoon at Bora Bora, an adventure trip to New Zealand and many more. I feel hysterical if this is what defines us. Well either we are very insecure or badly intimidated by our surroundings / situations that we supplement our persona with the above cited histrionic feats.  

I don’t know much about you but for me it is a creepy reality. Most occasions I cover my beautiful heart and humble character with these exhibits and lies. In doing so I get the feeling that I would create an impression which would sway the person next to me towards liking me. The surprising part is that it does make the person next to me like me.  Even when sometimes these fancy things are true, it is never real for me. I wish I could show the real me more often. 

Being related to something foreign raises eye brows equivalent to if you are an IITian or an IAS officer.  (The latter two is worthy of comparison because it is a selection of 1 over 1000 and lacs.) No matter if it’s your third cousin studying in some American university or an aunt who is your mother’s cousin’s sister in law residing in Dubai, there is huge pride in recognizing them as relatives. Similarly it is of immense pride to announce, about things we own like the dress worn by me is not available in India, I got it from Paris or Milan. The value also increases when we reply to people who slighted our attire or footwear as poor choice. But a poor choice is a poor choice whether local or imported with duties. At least defend it in a better way, how come being foreign makes it more agreeable. Well I guess there is no point in digging further. Another notable obsession is inflections. Foreign accent always work over desi one. Finding sense in that is again useless. If you don’t believe me, you have never given job interviews or been part of group discussion or even debated in school.

Huh! After the accent proof talking let us drop by to eat. Recently somebody mentioned that,” I eat healthy and so I prefer Italian, or Mexican". I could not hide my laughter and then thought to throw some light on the delusion. Howeve on second thought I did not embarrass the bloating being. Lesson learnt was that sometimes we should do more homework before we brag. You never know, people may know some stuff.

There is however something about it, no matter if it is designer labels underwear or a lip color by Chanel. The visible waist band of Calvin Klein under a low waist denim definitely rocks over a Rupa frontline. And of course CK is a foreign label. Maybe somewhere we have accepted that anything foreign is about being superior and therefore we are constantly racing among ourselves towards the same. If that is the case then maybe we have become a free country but still a slave of their lopsided thought process which they incorporated to rule over us. It is time that we reflect back on our lack of judgement and show maturity. 

I think this F obsession is something to ponder over for all of us and grow up a little. 



Thursday, June 25, 2015

WOMANHOOD


She must know how to cook. Cooking in real has to be in her genes. She should know or must learn how to take care of a grown up man like a little kid. The sense of domestic cleanliness should define her persona. As for being sloppy, that should be far away from her eco system. She must cover herself head to toe, even though menfolk can roam around her in half naked. Our society is modern; so she is allowed to work and support her husband and family.  Important thing is she must earn less than her demigod husband. His ego needs to be respected.  He is head of the family. He is the “pati –parmeshwar”. He decides what is best for her and his family. . She must full fill each and every little thing of his folks also, no matter what age group they belong to. She must not speak in family matters, discussions or even matters related to her health and well beings. He and his elders are there to do that honour. In fact she should have no say on things like plan her own family.  Welcome to womanhood lady.

I feel sad and very scared but more than that ashamed to define womanhood in such a way. It feels like a slave than a free individual. Is there any life left for her is my sole disquiet. Social obligation is something that we take by choice through our self-righteousness and not something as a decided destiny. Why is she not a free person? Just because she carries a baby for 9 months in her womb and then feeds the baby for another 4-5 months does not make her a submissive and weaker sex. Her whole life’s mission cannot be defined by this. She is way more than that. It’s a total pity if she accepts the above without a resent. I wonder who is to blame for this backwardness. The past or the present. It is a total deadlock. The culture is openly so lopsided. All superiority, supremacy to one gender and all suppression and apathy on the other,   

She must get rid of all this. She has to take a stand. She needs to redefine womanhood. She must not wait for her daughter to feel the need. She must stand on her own feet. And define life the way she wants it too. The earth, the sun, the sky and the air belongs to her in all ways. She is a free person. If she does not enjoy cooking, or like any unskilled domestic job, she does not have to justify that. She is smart and strong. She must make her own choice and respect her existence. She is fully capable to rock the world in umpteen ways. She must do so. She must enjoy the feeling of being craved, loved, respected and tested. She must enjoy her age, her body and her soul. She must explore her sexuality and gratify her soul. Motherhood is her crown jewel and not a ring in her finger. She is way more than a daughter, wife or a mother. She is more than these roles. She is more than a thousand things that one can measure or treasure.

She can lead, she can rule, she can care as well as cure. She is as special as you are. Womanhood is the beginning of her life and not the end to her time. As a girl she dreamt of flying, ruling and what not. Womanhood embarks her to pursue the same. Ladies, your life is not over but just started. He does not have to dictate. You can make your choice. He is not your god but a friend for life. Worry not for him, he will survive with a joyful and content life with you by his side and not above you. 

Thursday, February 20, 2014

loose String

a  loose string
the not yet offered ring
my unbound desire
no clue what next it may bring

brewed  thoughts
pouring rain with no clouds
new ways to whack ahead
umteen dodge keeps me behind

endearing heart, bollixed mind
sometimes forward sometimes rewind
with mixed emotion, I know a thing
dont move ahead with a loose string. 



Thursday, October 31, 2013

LOVE is....

So the big lord says
love is patient and it is kind
Its not envy or moment of lies.
it is not proud and it does not dishonor
it is not self-seeking neither it has any anger
 it keeps no record of the wrongs.
 but protects, trusts, hopes & perseveres

Is love so perfect?
Is it an emotion or a pack of notion
I truly deny with all my life
Love in real is full of flaws
its abstract and full on odds
sometimes obsessive sometime possessive
 at times jealous and at times submissive
its never mature or carry a sense
its raw and wild and and full of aberrance
its insecure like a child and
and on fire like in wild
calm but composed
more when opposed
sharing, understanding and togetherness
an open heart with optimism fully ebedded
mightier than the lord
Kinder the any word
and above all warmer than the sunny rays
lies beneath the golden gift of forgiveness

Truth is it is what you know it is and
a hell more than you can ever hope it to be
there is no height, there is no depth
its not a measure, or a compare in fact 
I accept it with all my life
love is what we want it to be....